You would think I would have driven home angry and hurt, but I had a smile on my face the whole way I drove home from my best friend’s cottage. I was proud of my nerdy friend, Andrew, for how far he came, even though his new-found popularity had been primarily at my expense. By shedding his nerdy persona, hanging with my friends and my girlfriend, Laryssa, Andrew was becoming the alpha male he was destined to be. I felt honored to play such a role in Andrew’s life, eager to help him further, any way I could, even if it meant taking another blast of his piss to my face.
My Nerdy Friend Became an Alpha Male at My Expense
Let’s backtrack. You see, every summer, Rob would invite me, my wife and whatever girl he was seeing at the time over to his cottage for a weekend. This year, however, I wasn’t invited, and Andrew was.
Andrew, my former tag-along friend, the kid brother of our mutual friend, James. When James and his girlfriend moved out of our neighbourhood, Andrew stayed behind, and without friends to cling to without his older gone, Andrew started
following around hanging out with me on a daily basis. I didn’t mind having a follower, I knew he appreciated the company, especially when my friends were around, because he wasn’t used to being around a bunch of alpha males and hot chicks.
Rob hated Andrew. He didn’t care for Andrew’s diatribes about Star Trek and WWE, and often left the room when he saw Andrew coming. Rob just didn’t like being around someone he thought of as the neighbourhood loser. Andrew was the opposite of Rob socially – women were drawn to Rob and guys loved him, while no one really gave Andrew the time of day.
Fast forward to present day, with Rob invited Andrew to the cottage, but not me. Suddenly, I knew what Andrew had felt like all this time, intentionally ostracized. I felt jealous that he was going to be hanging out with my wife and my buddy without me.
Rob realized Andrew wasn’t what he thought he was on the day my nerdy friend shoved his dirty sock in my mouth, just to shut me up. Andrew shoved his big toe between my lips while I was on all fours, wiping up a drink he spilled (he kept playing video games with Rob, sitting my couch while I cleaned up his mess. He even used my back as a leg rest as I wiped the floor, just because he knew it would get a laugh out of Rob!). When I kicked Andrew out for the way he treated me that day, the last thing I expected to see was Rob leaving with him.
Since that day, Andrew’s slapped me around at my own birthday party in front of all my friends (he didn’t even break a sweat before making me scream for mercy – I was out of breath just trying to fight back). Laryssa, in an effort to help him capitalize on his popularity (she never gave him much attention until she saw him as more of my bully than my nerdy friend), pretended to be his girlfriend at a small get together with Andrew’s nerdy friends. I don’t know what happened at that party, but overnight, Andrew became the most popular guy in the neighbourhood, while I became the new neighbourhood loser.
Laryssa kept the illusion of being Andrew’s girlfriend going. They hung out at get-togethers with my friends, without me. When she wasn’t with him, Rob was, and the two became almost inseparable. Though I don’t know why, Rob even let Andrew take my wife into his bedroom at a get together he was hosting, something Rob hasn’t let any of his friends do, ever.
My Alpha Male Friends Invited My Wife to the Cabin, Without Me
Flash-forward to present day, I decided to crash Rob’s cottage getaway, assuming everyone would be happy to see me. Instead, no one got out of their chair when I arrived. Andrew and Rob looked irritated that I showed up. Laryssa coddled me, but the look on her face suggested I wasn’t welcome.
Rob used my presence as an asset though, asking me to prepare food, clean-up, and anything else he could think of. I was happy to get my hands dirty, feeling guilty about dropping into something I wasn’t invited to.
I felt like a 5th wheel while there – my wife spent all her time with Andrew, while Rob spent most of his time with his girlfriend, Sara. I just assumed I was sleeping in the same bed with my wife, putting my things in her room, but Rob told me to take my bags and put them in the ‘kid’s room‘, with the bunk beds. I assumed my wife and I were going to sleep on top of each other, but when I grabbed her bags, he told me to leave them, as she would be staying in her own room.
rob put me in the bunk-beds, while giving my wife and Andrew their own private room
That evening, after I had prepared dinner and washed dishes, I joined everyone outside by the campfire. With no lawn chairs around, Andrew lay in the hammock nearby, while Laryssa made herself comfy in his arms, cuddling up with his stock body. They looked cozy together, excited about something, smiling at each other every time they made eye contact. I sat alone and drank two beers, which was enough to get me drunk. I went over to take a leak, and at some point, passed out on a pile of leaves, bottle in hand, in the woods.
Shortly afterwards, Rob and Andrew were outside having a smoke. Andrew walked over to where I lay, not noticing me in the darkness, and inadvertently pissed right on my face, which seemed to awaken me. Sensing movement, Andrew realized what his piss was landing on, and whistled for Rob to come over. When Rob looked down and saw me laying in a pile of leaves and piss, half-awake and in a drunken haze.
“Aw, can’ I get in on the fun?” Rob asked Andrew, unzipping and grinning ear to ear.
“Eh…go ahead-ah.” Andrew replied, looking down at me with a similar grin.
They both laughed like maniacs as a double blast of piss hosed me down. I saw them walk away after zipping up, but wasn’t able to move, passing out again. When I came to, my white shirt was stained yellow, and my breath smelled like piss.
I Could Hear My Wife Shouting About How Big My Alpha Male Buddy Was
When I walked into the house, Rob refused to let me in, saying I was going to stink up his cottage, and that I would have to spend the rest of the night outside. Understanding his point of view, I made myself comfortable outside of the cabin, but was unable to sleep from the noise the boys and girls were making inside. On one side of my ear, I could hear Rob’s girlfriend shouting his name and how big something was. In my other ear, I could hear Laryssa doing something physical, breathing hard, giggling. Her voice implied she was moving, but in the same place, almost like she was bouncing up and down.
I woke up to another blast of water attacking my face, but this time, it was cool, and without a scent. Rob was laughing at me again while hosing me down with cold water. He told me to go inside and shower, justifying the hose-bath by saying he couldn’t have me smelling like piss walking into cabin. I felt both his and Andrew’s eyes on me as I took the walk of shame, ignoring the snickers and laughter from them behind me. I was way too intimidated and humiliated to mention getting pissed on, hoping neither one of them told Laryssa about what they did to me. I mean, how was I going to explain to my her that my buddy’s kid brother and my best friend pissed on me?!
When I got out of the shower, my bags were missing. Looking around for them, I saw my stuff outside the door. Rob was waiting for me, thumbing to the exit, telling me they had plans, and quite frankly, I was in the way. I apologized to my best friend, telling him that I didn’t mean to inconvenience anyone. I told him I would grab Laryssa and leave at once, motioning towards her room. Rob grabbed my shoulder, preventing me from moving, and surprised me by saying she wanted to stay behind. He assured me he would be safe in Andrew’s hands, smacking my cheeks a few times before walking down to the dock, where Sara, Laryssa and Andrew waited for him. My wife waved at me before Andrew put his arm around her, looked over his shoulder and grinned at me once again.
My Alpha Male Friends Humiliated Me One More Time Before I Left
I scrambled to get myself together, wanting to be gone by the time they got back. I wanted to leave a note for Laryssa, since our cell phones didn’t work at the cottage. I put a note on her pillow, noticing the bed was unmade, with Andrew’s stuff around the room, mixed with hers. I saw her silky panties beside the pillow and picked them up. The bottom seemed stretched out in a liner fashion, with white stains inside of it. I had stepped on Andrew’s boxer shorts on the way out, and wondered why his stuff would be in her room – surely Rob made the neighbourhood loser sleep on the couch?!
I took longer than I thought, because the four of them were walking back to the cottage just as I got into my car. Andrew’s hand held Laryssa’s, and noticing me, called out to Rob and thumbed in my direction. Rob and Andrew looked at each other and smiled, before they all walked towards me. Rob knocked on my window and motioned for me to get out of the car. I did, and within seconds of me turning around to shut the car door, Andrew had me in a wedgie, yanking my boxers hard enough to make me squeal. If he wanted a laugh from his new friend, he got one. Sara laughed too, while my wife averted her eyes, embarrassed for me.
Shamed and humiliated, I got back into the car with my head down, and when Andrew knocked on the window and motioned for me to roll down the window with his finger, I assumed it was to apologize. I should have known better, because once I had the glass halfway down, Andrew swiftly shoved his dirty sweat-sock into my open mouth, which got another round of laughter from Rob and Sara. The three of them walked back to the cabin without saying goodbye. Laryssa shrugged her shoulders with a ‘boys will be boys‘ expression on her face, kissed me on the cheek and told me she would be home in a couple of days. I assumed she hadn’t kissed me on the lips because my mouth was still stuffed with Andrew’s dirty white sweat sock. Pulling it out, I told her to enjoy herself, and apologized, once again, for imposing.
As I pulled out, I saw my tag-along friend and my best friend watching me from the doorway. Rob was talking to Andrew, nodding towards me and making the ‘jerk-off‘ gesture with his right hand. That grin on his face seemed to go hand-in-hand whenever he laid eyes on me. Beside him, Andrew was shaking his head, listening to whatever Rob was saying to him. He gave me a thumbs up before I turned the car and drove away.